Alcohol is the lifeblood of your reception. You could blow $40,000 on ice sculptures, a coveted venue, and flowers coming out the officiant's ass, but if you run out of booze, suddenly the party craters at 8pm and everyone leaves unsatisfied.
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So. While we typically recommend a "big picture" approach to wedding planning that frees you from the nitty-gritty, in this case, you'll want to get your hands dirty. Know the right ratios, the right brands, the right balance between quantity and quality.
For our guide, we've enlisted wine consultant Tyler Haas. In his professional capacity, Tyler "tastes" up to 100 wines and beers a month including--on the clock!--a $1,900 bottle of cognac. We hate him. Then again, he's also stuck dealing with the hell that is wedding planning, so maybe it all balances out.
Taking a break from tasting cognac, Tyler sobered up to answer our many, many questions on wine, alcohol, and wedding-booze protocol.
The Plunge: Let's say you're having 100 adult guests. How would you break that down, in terms of how much beer, wine, champagne, liquor?
Tyler Haas: It depends on the guest list; some people drink more beer, some drink more liquor, but in general, the rule is 1 drink per adult per reception hour.
C'mon. Really? My friends and I drink a lot more than that.
You'd be surprised how much of an overestimation the rule can be, conservative as it sounds. Remember, for every cousin who pounds Jack-and-Coke, you've got an aunt who doesn't drink.
Fair enough. So what's the right ratio?
Roughly, the mix should be 1/3 beer, 1/3 wine, 1/3 liquor, with about 1 bottle of sparkling wine per 8 guests for toasting.
So, for 100 people, I'd expect to go through about 30-40 beers an hour, 8-10 bottles of wine (you get roughly 4 glasses per bottle), and around 2-3 750ml bottles of liquor (more if people drink martinis -- I'm counting jiggers per bottle, which is about 17 drinks) per hour.
For a 3-hour reception, I'd make it around 100 beers, 24-ish bottles of wine and 7-8 ish bottles of liquor. That's the better part of a pony keg (or 2 1/4 kegs), 2 cases of wine, and 2 bottles each of my base liquors.
Oh, and about 14 bottles of bubbly for toasting. Scale up or down depending on the number of guests, remembering:
160 beers per pony keg (that's a 1/2 keg -- you get about 80 from a 1/4, and around 50 from a 1/6).
17 shots of alcohol per 750 ml bottle of booze (around 22 shots per liter bottle, and 39 per 1.75L bottle).
4 glasses of wine per 750 ml bottle.
8 toasting pours per 750 ml bottle.
1 drink per adult per hour, plus the toast.
Let's say you're on a really, really tight budget. What's the bare minimum of booze you should provide for your guests?
The bare minimum would be a bit of sparkling wine to toast the bride and groom; one bottle per 8 guests.
That said, you can outfit a decent bar for under $100; 2-4 bottles of $8 wine, a 750 ml bottle each of vodka, rum, tequila, and Canadian whiskey (about $10 each if you get the cheap stuff--but not rotgut), and the remaining budget goes into mixers and beer. You should know... the prices vary depending on the store and local market prices, so I'm saying "roughly" a lot.)
Fine by us. Okay, now what's the bare minimum for a full bar?
2 white liquors (vodka, tequila), 2 brown liquors (rum, whiskey), some wine, and some beer. For mixers, a lot can be done with OJ, a small bottle of Rose's Lime, some grenadine, vermouth (sweet and dry), and margarita mix.
Switching gears, let's say money is no object. What's a nice "flourish" you can add that will really impress your guests?
Serve a tete de cuvee champagne. Perrier-Jouet Grand Fleur (the painted bottle -- around $130 a bottle) is always popular for that (and it even comes in a gift pack with 2 painted glasses, $130-$140-ish). Note that I'm being really specific here -- the other tete de cuvees that most people are familiar with (Cristal and Dom Perignon) are both overpriced, in my opinion (and, honestly, being both vintage blancs des blancs, they're really yeasty and crisp, not everyone's cup of tea), and not everyone carries Grande Dame or Palmes D'Or or Cuvee Louise or the other tete de cuvee Champagnes. This would be for a country-club kind of crowd.
What if it's more of a beer crowd?
You could get some really cool, obscure beer--Dogfish 90, or something similar. It's harder to impress with beer, unless the crowd is full of hopheads, but it can be done.
Anything else you could do to impress?
Make a really cool signature drink with top-shelf liquor; classic margaritas with Contreau or Grand Marnier and a good tequila (I'm fond of Corzo, although Milagro is also quite good), or have your bartender go wild and make something custom.
Would you ever do box wine?
Absolutely! There are excellent box wines out there -- I know of several art galleries (places with $10,000+ sculptures) in my area that serve box wines at openings! The trick with serving box wine and not looking cheap is to not serve it in a box; have the wine served as passed cocktails (the boxes out of sight in the kitchen -- this is what the galleries do), or in decanters/carafes. A 3L box of wine -- the equivalent of 4 regular bottles -- costs anywhere from $10 to $20 (I know of one that retails at $40, called Four, but I'll exclude it from this question as it's a bit too expensive to be considered "box wine." Note that other states do have 4L and 5L boxes, but in Florida, where I work, the maximum legal size is 3L.
You can also go high-end on large-format wine; there are wines sold in Jereboams, big 3L bottles (they run from $40 to "hey, how much do you want to spend?") and even larger -- they'd be special-order items, generally, but if you've got the time it can usually be done. Actually, come to think of it, that could be a nifty "flourish," if money's no object.
How "open" should an open bar be? In other words, you probably don't need to have Johnny Walker Blue, but you should at least have the basics. What's the right guideline?
Depends on the budget, but for an open bar, I don't see any reason to have a ton of top-shelf items. For scotch, JW Red would be just fine, for example. There's no real reason to go with rotgut... but well-boozes are just fine. Remember, nobody will remember the brand of the vodka that went into their gimlet at your wedding-okay, unless they're really obsessive-they'll remember how fun the party is.
What are the must-have mixers?
A bare minimum of OJ, sweet vermouth, dry vermouth, sweet-and-sour mix, Rose's Lime, cola, and grenadine. Other items to have: margarita mix, daquari mix, tonic water, seltzer, other sodas.
How about wine? What kind should you serve?
Pick two varietals, one red and one white. At most, 4 -- light white, heavy white, light red, and heavy red; generally, I recommend a sauvignon blanc or pinot grigio, a chardonnay, a pinot noir or light merlot, and a cabernet or malbec. Anything more and you risk running out of one particular type or producer; people won't really remember "they didn't have a pinot grigio," but they will remember, "I started drinking pinot grigio... and then they ran out." Generally, if you go for 2 varietals, pick a chard and a cab. This is also partly to make life easier on whoever is pouring; that way, they don't have to keep track of a ton of wines, and you don't wind up with any more than a couple of extra open bottles.
Makes sense. Any other wine you'd consider serving?
Even though I've got a soft spot for oddball varietals, most people are unfamiliar with torrontes and pinotage (the first is an Argentine/Uruguayan white, the other is a South African red), and your wedding reception is probably not the place to introduce them. Stick with the major varietals unless you've got a really adventurous crowd.
Do you need champagne, or can you have sparkling wine from California or somewhere else?
You can toast with anything -- at my best friend's wedding (where I provided the booze as a wedding present), we toasted with an excellent semi-seco Cava, a semi-sweet sparkling wine from Spain (Cava is the type of wine, semi-seco is the sweetness designation). I'm almost embarrassed to say it was only like $8 a bottle... but I had people coming up to me all afternoon telling me how much they loved the bubbly, and how it was so much better than Champagne usually is. Cavas almost always cost under $25 a bottle, most of them are under $15 and a good number of them can be found for under $10 in a big wine store.
Any other toasting options?
Sure. You can also toast with Prosecco (between $10 and $30 a bottle); in the current economy, it's the fastest-growing segment of the sparkling wine market. These tend to be just a hair sweeter than a brut Champagne, and they're not nearly as yeasty/toasty, which can be good for people who don't drink a ton of bubblies.
Personally, I'm not a huge fan of most California sparkling wines (at the low end, they're not terribly good -- for technical reasons, the acidity is too low, and the grapes are over-ripe. Not to mention, good grapes in California tend to go into still wines, since they're more valuable there, so it tends to be crappy grapes in the bottle). There are exceptions; J Winery made good bubbly up until last year when their head winemaker left -- I've not tried what their new winemaker has come up with. Schramsberg makes really good stuff too, but both of those are around $30-$40, which is as expensive as Champagne, so why not get the original?
Got it. Okay, beer. Do you frown on serving the cheapies like Coors Lite or Bud?
No, we sell a ton of Bud Light for weddings. Again, it's not about the booze, it's about the party. For a good QPR--
--Huh?
Technical term: Quality to Price Ratio. For a good qpr beer, I like Yuengling personally; not significantly more expensive than the mass-market domestics, but it's a damn sight more flavorful.
Recommended ratio for kegs? How much light beer, how much dark beer?
About 50-50. Remember that a pony keg (AKA a half-keg, the size that most people are familiar with) has about 160 beers in it, but a lot of beers are available in quarter kegs, and many craft brews come in 1/6 kegs (about 50-60 beers each).
How many pony kegs per guests?
Have a pony keg for every 80-100 people if you've got a bar and wine.
What's the biggest mistake people make in planning alcohol for weddings?
This is going to sound weird coming from a guy in the business of selling booze, but a lot of people pay too much for their booze -- generally, paying for the name that's on the label, rather than the juice in the bottle.
Remember, especially with wine and booze, if you've heard of it, it's likely because it was advertised somewhere. Ads are not free; that's money that could be spent by the producer on improving their products instead. The best wines and alcohols I've ever had were ones that don't do any advertising; they let their products speak for themselves. And they cost substantially less than advertised stuff with comparable quality.
Another mistake people make is getting brut sparkling wine for toasting.... and then toasting when the cake is cut. Why have a sweet frosted wedding cake with a dry wine (bruts are meant for serving with buttery seafood and chicken in cream sauces, or drinking on their own), it makes the cake seem cloying. Get a demi-sec (fairly sweet) wine instead, so it matches the sweetness of the cake! Or toast with no food.
Any tips for dealing with drunken guests?
Give your bartender liberal leeway in cutting people off. If one of your groomsmen is likely to remain reasonably sober, assign him the job of keeping an eye on guests who may over-indulge.
Thoughts on transportation options?
Have the best man (or one of the more-likely-to-remain-sober groomsmen, or the bartender) keep the number of a cab company and a couple of $20s handy if any guests over-indulge. If the reception is at a hotel, you might even be able to arrange for a last-minute room for someone, if need be. You have to remember, as the hosts, it is YOUR responsibility (morally, and increasingly, legally) to make sure nobody who shouldn't drive gets behind the wheel. Every situation will be different, but there should be a plan in place BEFORE the reception.
Anything else?
If you're buying the alcohol for your wedding, don't go to the store last-minute, give them a couple of weeks to get everything together, especially if you want a specific wine and/or alcohol in significant quantities. If you go shopping on Tuesday for a Saturday reception, you're gonna be limited to what they have on hand; that's not the worst thing to happen (good booze, especially good cheap booze, tends to be purchased in large quantities by the store), but it can limit your choices.
That reminds us--what about return policies?
Check with your supplier. In many cases, the rule is "if we can put it back on the shelf to sell it, we'll take it back." (note: some states don't allow alcohol to be returned, so ASK FIRST). If that's the case, better to over-buy quantities and return what's not used (I advise this all the time at work).
Ideally, anywhere you go for alcohol for your wedding should have decent customer service; if you go to the store, they should have someone helping you pick out items (like me!). Trust them; we taste a LOT more wine and booze than you do (when's the last time you sat down and tried 30 wines and vodkas in 3 hours? For me, the answer is "last Tuesday." Yes, we spat when we tasted, otherwise the hangover would have been epic.). They'll know where the deals in their selection are (the $10 chard that tastes like it costs $15, the obscure Russian vodka that's absolutely great but that you've never heard of, etc); just ask for them. Let the people know your budget and tastes, they probably can put together selections to match without too much effort.
Along those lines, should you tailor the booze to the guests that are coming?
Don't get hung up on the idea that "Uncle Tony only drinks Goose, so we've got to get a bottle for him," if you've got a Smirnoff budget. If you're micromanaging the party to account for one guest's tastes... that's too much work.
Also, remember that most people aren't nearly as much of an aficionado of alcohol as you think they are.
They're coming to the wedding reception to have fun, fete you, and (hopefully) give you a set of cookware from Bed Bath and Beyond that you'll exchange for a really nice stereo or a HDTV. They're not coming for a wine tasting; "serviceable booze" is a perfectly good idea to aim for. After all, how many weddings that you were at do you remember the brands served? That's right, zero
Friday, January 28, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The History of Wedding Traditions
Virtually every part of a wedding, from the engagement to the honeymoon, has rich history. Cultural roots, ancestry, and religious beliefs have shaped marriages for thousands of years. The following descriptions will provide you with a brief history of various wedding elements.
The First Marriage Rites
From the time of Adam and Eve, the relationship between a man and a woman has been unique and ordained by God. Eve was created for Adam and to complete his need for companionship. Our earliest records of history depict unification between a man and a woman and their respect for a higher being. It wasn't until Abraham disobeyed God that other women came into the picture and left generations of unrest for those who chose to take more than one wife.
From the time of Adam and Eve, the relationship between a man and a woman has been unique and ordained by God. Eve was created for Adam and to complete his need for companionship. Our earliest records of history depict unification between a man and a woman and their respect for a higher being. It wasn't until Abraham disobeyed God that other women came into the picture and left generations of unrest for those who chose to take more than one wife.
The Bachelor Dinner
More commonly known today as the bachelor party, this celebration in the groom's honor was originally called the bachelor dinner, or stag party. Like many other wedding traditions, the custom has stood the test of time. It first came about in the fifth century, in Sparta, where military comrades would feast and toast one another on the eve of a friend's wedding. Even today, a bachelor party customarily takes place quite close to the actual wedding date, as it has become known as the groom's last taste of freedom. Despite the risqué entertainment that is associated with stag parties today, bachelor parties have not always entailed this controversial element. Although rowdy and boisterous, bachelor parties are traditionally organized to allow the jittery groom and his wedding attendants to release some anxieties before the big day.
More commonly known today as the bachelor party, this celebration in the groom's honor was originally called the bachelor dinner, or stag party. Like many other wedding traditions, the custom has stood the test of time. It first came about in the fifth century, in Sparta, where military comrades would feast and toast one another on the eve of a friend's wedding. Even today, a bachelor party customarily takes place quite close to the actual wedding date, as it has become known as the groom's last taste of freedom. Despite the risqué entertainment that is associated with stag parties today, bachelor parties have not always entailed this controversial element. Although rowdy and boisterous, bachelor parties are traditionally organized to allow the jittery groom and his wedding attendants to release some anxieties before the big day.
The Wedding Party
During the "marriage by capture" era, close friends of the groom-to-be assisted him when he kidnapped the bride from her family. The first ushers and best men were more like a small army, fighting off the brides angry relatives as the groom rode away with her.
During the "marriage by capture" era, close friends of the groom-to-be assisted him when he kidnapped the bride from her family. The first ushers and best men were more like a small army, fighting off the brides angry relatives as the groom rode away with her.
Bridesmaids and maids of honor became more common when weddings were planned. For several days before the marriage, a senior maid attended to the bride-to-be. This maid or matron of honor, as we know her today, ensured that the bridal wreath was made and helped the bride get dressed. All bridesmaids helped the bride decorate for the wedding feast.
For a long time, bridesmaids wore dresses much like the bride's gown, while ushers dressed in clothing that was similar to the groom's attire. This tradition began for protection against evil rather than for uniformity; if evil spirits or jealous suitors attempted to harm the newlyweds, they would be confused as to which two people were the bride and groom.
Wedding Flowers
Before the use of flowers in the bridal bouquet, women carried aromatic bunches of garlic, herbs, and grains to drive evil spirits away as they walked down the aisle. Over time, these were replaced with flowers, symbolizing fertility and everlasting love. Specific flowers have special meanings in many cultures. In Hawaii, the bride and groom wear leis; newlyweds in India don floral headdresses.
Before the use of flowers in the bridal bouquet, women carried aromatic bunches of garlic, herbs, and grains to drive evil spirits away as they walked down the aisle. Over time, these were replaced with flowers, symbolizing fertility and everlasting love. Specific flowers have special meanings in many cultures. In Hawaii, the bride and groom wear leis; newlyweds in India don floral headdresses.
The Wedding
The wedding is one of life's primeval and surprisingly unchanged rites of passage. Nearly all of the customs we observe today are merely echoes of the past. Everything from the veil, rice, flowers, and old shoes, to the bridesmaids and processionals, at one time, bore a very specific and vitally significant meaning. Today, although the original substance is often lost, we incorporate old world customs into our weddings because they are traditional and ritualistic.
The wedding is one of life's primeval and surprisingly unchanged rites of passage. Nearly all of the customs we observe today are merely echoes of the past. Everything from the veil, rice, flowers, and old shoes, to the bridesmaids and processionals, at one time, bore a very specific and vitally significant meaning. Today, although the original substance is often lost, we incorporate old world customs into our weddings because they are traditional and ritualistic.
Old world marriage customs continue to thrive today, in diluted, disguised and often upgraded forms.
Customs we memorialize today were once "brand new" ideas. Although historical accuracy is hard to achieve, the historical weight attached to old world wedding customs and traditions is immense. While reading through these pages, feel free to use, reinterpret, or omit them in your own wedding.
Remember, as you plan for your wedding, to create new family traditions and customs to be handed down to your children and their children. Just think, maybe someday, your "new custom" will be as unique and exciting as these presented here.
Wedding History
Up to and during the Middle Ages, weddings were considered family/community affairs. The only thing needed to create a marriage was for both partners to state their consent to take one another as spouses. Witnesses were not always necessary, nor were the presence of the clergy. In Italy, for example, the marriage was divided into three parts. The first portion consisted of the families of the groom and bride drawing up the papers. The bride didn't even have to be there for that. The second, the betrothal, was legally binding and may or may not have involved consummation. At this celebration, the couple exchanged gifts (a ring, a piece of fruit, etc.), clasped hands and exchanged a kiss. The "vows" could be a simple as, "Will you marry me?" "I will." The third part of the wedding, which could occur several years after the betrothal, was the removal of the bride to the groom's home. The role of the clergy at a medieval wedding was simply to bless the couple. It wasn't official church policy until the council of Trent in the 15th century that a third party (i.e., a priest), as opposed to the couple themselves, was responsible for performing the wedding. In the later medieval period, the wedding ceremony moved from the house of the bride to the church. It began with a procession to the church from the bride's house. Vows were exchanged outside the church (by the way, the priest gave the bride to the groom...I don't think she was presented by her father) and then everyone moved inside for Mass. After Mass, the procession went back to the bride's house for a feast. Musicians accompanied the procession.
Up to and during the Middle Ages, weddings were considered family/community affairs. The only thing needed to create a marriage was for both partners to state their consent to take one another as spouses. Witnesses were not always necessary, nor were the presence of the clergy. In Italy, for example, the marriage was divided into three parts. The first portion consisted of the families of the groom and bride drawing up the papers. The bride didn't even have to be there for that. The second, the betrothal, was legally binding and may or may not have involved consummation. At this celebration, the couple exchanged gifts (a ring, a piece of fruit, etc.), clasped hands and exchanged a kiss. The "vows" could be a simple as, "Will you marry me?" "I will." The third part of the wedding, which could occur several years after the betrothal, was the removal of the bride to the groom's home. The role of the clergy at a medieval wedding was simply to bless the couple. It wasn't official church policy until the council of Trent in the 15th century that a third party (i.e., a priest), as opposed to the couple themselves, was responsible for performing the wedding. In the later medieval period, the wedding ceremony moved from the house of the bride to the church. It began with a procession to the church from the bride's house. Vows were exchanged outside the church (by the way, the priest gave the bride to the groom...I don't think she was presented by her father) and then everyone moved inside for Mass. After Mass, the procession went back to the bride's house for a feast. Musicians accompanied the procession.
"Let's Tie the Knot" or 'Let's Get Hitched"
Tying the Knot, an old term for a ritual now being renewed in our weddings today. Not new-age or western-slang about 'hitchin' up yer gal like a horse'. Although the term hitching was a rope making process used for tying up horses with ancient old world roots, it is undoubtedly associated with 'tying the knot'. These terms are analogous with a proposal of wedlock. The term Tie the Knot came from the Renaissance Ceremony called "Handfasting". 'Handfast' and its variations are defined in the Oxford English dictionary as "to make a contract of marriage between (parties) by joining of hands." This could also be interpreted today as a proposal of marriage for a specific period of time, traditionally a year and a day. A Hand Fasting ceremony is incorporated into formal wedding ceremonies and sometimes done at or as an Engagement Party.
Tying the Knot, an old term for a ritual now being renewed in our weddings today. Not new-age or western-slang about 'hitchin' up yer gal like a horse'. Although the term hitching was a rope making process used for tying up horses with ancient old world roots, it is undoubtedly associated with 'tying the knot'. These terms are analogous with a proposal of wedlock. The term Tie the Knot came from the Renaissance Ceremony called "Handfasting". 'Handfast' and its variations are defined in the Oxford English dictionary as "to make a contract of marriage between (parties) by joining of hands." This could also be interpreted today as a proposal of marriage for a specific period of time, traditionally a year and a day. A Hand Fasting ceremony is incorporated into formal wedding ceremonies and sometimes done at or as an Engagement Party.
Handfasting
The old way in Great Britain for couples to pledge their betrothal was for them to join hands, his right to her right, his left to her left, so from above they looked like an infinity symbol. Done in front of witnesses, this made them officially "married" for a year and a day, following which they could renew permanently or for another year and a day. This was called "handfasting" and was used extensively in the rural areas where priests and ministers didn't go all that often. Sharing a cup and pledging their betrothal in front of witnesses used to accomplish the same thing (usually done in taverns) but was eventually outlawed in most of Europe. In fact, the reference I got that from mentioned only Switzerland because that country was one of the last to stop recognizing it as a legal marriage. Handfastings (ancient word for weddings) were traditional before weddings became a legal function of the government or a papal responsibility taken over by the formal religions in the early 1500's. The very word Handfasting derived its origin from the wedding custom of tying (or hitching; see section below) the bride and groom's hands (actually their wrists, not hands) together, as a symbol to their clan, tribe or village of their decision to be bound together in family living. The traditional length of time was a year and a day, or 13 moon cycles. If the marriage proved to last over this period of time, then the vows would be renewed for a lifetime or they renewed them for "as long as love shall last". Often during this (trial) period of time the bride would be referred to as a Virgin, or 'a woman not owned by a man'. The wedding would be best arranged during the time of the new moon, for the new moon symbolizes new beginnings, the beginning of a new cycle and also looks like the Moon Goddess smiling down on them in the night sky.
The old way in Great Britain for couples to pledge their betrothal was for them to join hands, his right to her right, his left to her left, so from above they looked like an infinity symbol. Done in front of witnesses, this made them officially "married" for a year and a day, following which they could renew permanently or for another year and a day. This was called "handfasting" and was used extensively in the rural areas where priests and ministers didn't go all that often. Sharing a cup and pledging their betrothal in front of witnesses used to accomplish the same thing (usually done in taverns) but was eventually outlawed in most of Europe. In fact, the reference I got that from mentioned only Switzerland because that country was one of the last to stop recognizing it as a legal marriage. Handfastings (ancient word for weddings) were traditional before weddings became a legal function of the government or a papal responsibility taken over by the formal religions in the early 1500's. The very word Handfasting derived its origin from the wedding custom of tying (or hitching; see section below) the bride and groom's hands (actually their wrists, not hands) together, as a symbol to their clan, tribe or village of their decision to be bound together in family living. The traditional length of time was a year and a day, or 13 moon cycles. If the marriage proved to last over this period of time, then the vows would be renewed for a lifetime or they renewed them for "as long as love shall last". Often during this (trial) period of time the bride would be referred to as a Virgin, or 'a woman not owned by a man'. The wedding would be best arranged during the time of the new moon, for the new moon symbolizes new beginnings, the beginning of a new cycle and also looks like the Moon Goddess smiling down on them in the night sky.
Vow Renewal
The Handfasting Renewal was the original Vow Renewal Ceremony. Hand-fasting is the old Celtic tradition of binding two people in love together (like matrimony). It was traditionally performed on May 1st (although any day that the couple wishes is fine too), and those who were handfasted renewed their vows if they chose to stay together and were accepted into their community as a new family, which is what our culture does upon the initial Wedding Ceremony.
The Handfasting Renewal was the original Vow Renewal Ceremony. Hand-fasting is the old Celtic tradition of binding two people in love together (like matrimony). It was traditionally performed on May 1st (although any day that the couple wishes is fine too), and those who were handfasted renewed their vows if they chose to stay together and were accepted into their community as a new family, which is what our culture does upon the initial Wedding Ceremony.
Why are more people renewing their wedding vows?
- After the birth of a child or recovery of traumatic event or illness;
- Because of a pending separation by distance or call of duty;
- Because of tender wishes to revisit their commitment to each other;
- Because of a "quickie" marriage that didn't hold much meaning;
- Because of separation or problems and desiring to reconcile with ceremony;
- Because it is a fun way to celebrate your anniversary, regardless of the number of years.
If you choose to send out invitations, "Bride's All New Book of Etiquette," recommends the following wording: "The honor of your presence is requested at the reaffirmation of the wedding vows of Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" etc. (the same as a wedding). Handwritten notes could be written for a less formal event. Wilderness Weddings also issues a Special Renewal Certificate at the end of the ceremony.
Have you thought of bridesmaids? If you decide on bridesmaids, choose dresses that could be reused. What is the ceremony like? The same as a wedding with the same or new vows, an outdoor wedding or indoor, quiet, traditional or wild and crazy! You can still wear your first dress or your mom's dress or a whole new look with any color you wish! What about the ring part? You can use your first rings or have new ones for the special occasion. Your kids can be a part of it, as ring bearer and flower girl, maid of honor, best man, etc. Your budget and formality will dictate selection of a disc jockey or band. Don't forget the photographer, flowers, and favors. Consider having a table set up at the reception with family photos, and mementos of your marriage.
The Bouquet
The earth laughs in flowers;
A flower is love looking for a word.
The earth laughs in flowers;
A flower is love looking for a word.
At its inception, the bouquet formed part of the wreaths and garlands worn by both the bride and groom. It was considered a symbol of happiness. Originally bridal wreaths and bouquets were made of herbs, which had magical and meaningful definitions for the couple's future life. Traditional Celtic bouquets included ivy, thistle and heather. Ancient uses included herbs, not flowers, in bouquets because they felt herbs -- especially garlic -- had the power to cast off evil spirits (can you imagine walking up the aisle holding a clump of garlic!?). If a bride carried sage (the herb of wisdom) she became wise; if she carried dill (the herb of lust) she became lusty. Flower girls carried sheaves of wheat, a symbol of growth, fertility, and renewal. Later, flowers replaced herbs and took on meanings all their own. Orange blossoms, for example, mean happiness and fertility. Ivy means fidelity; lilies mean purity.
The Best Man
Many centuries ago, before the women's rights movement, men who had decided upon a wife often had to forcefully take her with him (or kidnap her) if her family did not approve of him. The tradition of a "best man" probably has its origin with the Germanic Goths, when it was customary and preferable for a man to marry a woman from within his own community. When women came into short supply "locally," eligible bachelors would have to seek out and capture a bride from a neighboring community. As you might guess this was not a one-person operation, and so the future bridegroom would be accompanied by a male companion who would help. Our custom of the best man is a throwback to that two-man, strong-armed tactic, for, of course the future groom would select only the best man he knew to come long for such an important task.
Many centuries ago, before the women's rights movement, men who had decided upon a wife often had to forcefully take her with him (or kidnap her) if her family did not approve of him. The tradition of a "best man" probably has its origin with the Germanic Goths, when it was customary and preferable for a man to marry a woman from within his own community. When women came into short supply "locally," eligible bachelors would have to seek out and capture a bride from a neighboring community. As you might guess this was not a one-person operation, and so the future bridegroom would be accompanied by a male companion who would help. Our custom of the best man is a throwback to that two-man, strong-armed tactic, for, of course the future groom would select only the best man he knew to come long for such an important task.
The role of the best man evolved. By 200 AD his task was still more than just safeguarding the ring. There remained a real threat that the bride's family would attempt to obtain her return forcibly, so the best man remained at the groom's side throughout the marriage ceremony, alert and well-armed. He continued his duties after the ceremony by standing guard as sentry outside the newlywed's home. Much of this is German folklore, but is not without written documentation and physical artifacts. We have records that indicate that beneath the altars of many churches of early peoples (the Huns, Goths, Visigoths, and Vandals) there lay an arsenal of clubs, knives, and spears. The indication is that these were there to protect the groom from possible attack by the bride's family in an attempt to recapture her.
Traditionally, the bride stands to the left side of the groom. This was much more than meaningless etiquette. Among the Northern European barbarians (a name given to them by the Romans), a groom placed his captured bride to his left to protect her, as he kept his right hand free to use for defense. Also originating from this practice of abduction, which literally swept a bride off her feet, sprang the later symbolic act of carrying the bride across the threshold of her new home. It may well be that even the honeymoon had its origin with this capture scenario. It may well have served as a cooling-off period for the bride's family. It was the groom's hope that when the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon that all would be forgiven.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver sixpence in her shoe.
This good luck saying dates back to Victorian times and many brides try to arrange their wedding attire accordingly. Something old represents the link with the bride's family and the past. Many brides choose to wear a piece of antique family jewelry or a mother's or grandmother's wedding gown. Something new represents good fortune and success in the bride's new life. The wedding gown is often chosen as the new item. Something borrowed is to remind the bride that friends and family will be there for her when help is needed. The borrowed object might be something such as a lace handkerchief. Something blue is the symbol of faithfulness and loyalty. Often the blue item is the garter. A silver sixpence in her shoe is to wish the bride wealth.
This good luck saying dates back to Victorian times and many brides try to arrange their wedding attire accordingly. Something old represents the link with the bride's family and the past. Many brides choose to wear a piece of antique family jewelry or a mother's or grandmother's wedding gown. Something new represents good fortune and success in the bride's new life. The wedding gown is often chosen as the new item. Something borrowed is to remind the bride that friends and family will be there for her when help is needed. The borrowed object might be something such as a lace handkerchief. Something blue is the symbol of faithfulness and loyalty. Often the blue item is the garter. A silver sixpence in her shoe is to wish the bride wealth.
Giving Away The Bride
The father who "gives away" his daughter at her wedding ceremony is following an ancient tradition that has evolved over hundreds, if not thousands, of years. The custom dates back to the time when a daughter was considered property, and the groom had to pay a price to her family before he could be permitted to marry his intended.
The father who "gives away" his daughter at her wedding ceremony is following an ancient tradition that has evolved over hundreds, if not thousands, of years. The custom dates back to the time when a daughter was considered property, and the groom had to pay a price to her family before he could be permitted to marry his intended.
Another theory is that it symbolized the transition of authority from the bride's father to her husband as she moved from the parental home to the conjugal home. Today, many brides follow this custom, but its meaning has emerged as an outward approval of the groom by the parents or family of the bride.
In old times, female children were deemed to be the property of their fathers. When it came time for the daughter to marry and her father approved of the arrangement, he was actually transferring ownership of his daughter to the groom. Today, the act of giving the bride away is symbolic of her parents' blessing of the marriage to the chosen groom.
Women who consider this tradition archaic, or who have lived independently for years before their wedding, can eliminate this custom entirely or revise it to include their mother, brother, stepfather or any other significant member of the family. Some brides even elect to walk down the aisle alone.
Shoes Tied on the Car Bumper
Brides' shoes once were considered to be symbols of authority and possession. They used to be taken from her when she was led to the wedding place, and given to the groom by her father, effecting the transfer of his authority to her husband and as a sign that the husband now had possession of her (and she couldn't run away). The new husband then tapped her on the head to show his new role as her master.
Brides' shoes once were considered to be symbols of authority and possession. They used to be taken from her when she was led to the wedding place, and given to the groom by her father, effecting the transfer of his authority to her husband and as a sign that the husband now had possession of her (and she couldn't run away). The new husband then tapped her on the head to show his new role as her master.
It is obvious why this doesn't continue, but it helps to explain why we tie shoes to the back of the get-away car. Incidentally, the ever-popular horn honking has its beginnings in the days when brides traveled in open carriages. They were an easy target for evil spirits, so defenders would use bells and firecrackers to scare them away. No chance of any spirits getting in your way -- it's honeymoon or bust!
Carrying The Bride Over The Threshold
Generations ago it was considered lady-like for the new bride to be, or to appear to be, hesitant to "give herself" to her new husband, whether or not she truly was. At the threshold to the bridal chamber, the husband would often have to carry the bride over to encourage her to go in. An older meaning is that during the days of "Marriage by Capture," the bride was certainly not going to go peacefully into the bridegroom's abode; thus, she was dragged or carried across the threshold.
Generations ago it was considered lady-like for the new bride to be, or to appear to be, hesitant to "give herself" to her new husband, whether or not she truly was. At the threshold to the bridal chamber, the husband would often have to carry the bride over to encourage her to go in. An older meaning is that during the days of "Marriage by Capture," the bride was certainly not going to go peacefully into the bridegroom's abode; thus, she was dragged or carried across the threshold.
Veils
The veil originally symbolized the bride's virginity, innocence, and modesty. The veil can be traced back to Roman times when it was a complete head to toe cover (that was later used as her burial shroud!). This symbolism has been lost over the years but the veil is still customarily worn. In some Middle Eastern and Asian cultures, the veil was worn to hide the bride's face completely from the groom who had never seen her. Only after they were married would the groom be allowed the lift the veil to see his new wife's face.
The veil originally symbolized the bride's virginity, innocence, and modesty. The veil can be traced back to Roman times when it was a complete head to toe cover (that was later used as her burial shroud!). This symbolism has been lost over the years but the veil is still customarily worn. In some Middle Eastern and Asian cultures, the veil was worn to hide the bride's face completely from the groom who had never seen her. Only after they were married would the groom be allowed the lift the veil to see his new wife's face.
The White Wedding Dress
In biblical days, blue (not white) represented purity, and the bride and groom would wear a blue band around the bottom of their wedding attire (hence "something blue"). The Greeks are often associated with white for the wedding dress - they used white robes to symbolize youth, joy and purity. Despite this, white wedding dresses have not always been the fashion. In the Middle Ages the white wedding dress was once again made popular by Anne of Brittany, in 1499 -- they were again supposed to symbolize virginity. Today, white is an ever-popular color but pastel shades, stronger colors and even tartars are also worn.
In biblical days, blue (not white) represented purity, and the bride and groom would wear a blue band around the bottom of their wedding attire (hence "something blue"). The Greeks are often associated with white for the wedding dress - they used white robes to symbolize youth, joy and purity. Despite this, white wedding dresses have not always been the fashion. In the Middle Ages the white wedding dress was once again made popular by Anne of Brittany, in 1499 -- they were again supposed to symbolize virginity. Today, white is an ever-popular color but pastel shades, stronger colors and even tartars are also worn.
Diamond Engagement Rings
In medieval times, the groom would most often pay for the bride's hand in marriage. Precious stones were often included in this payment as a symbol of his intent to marry. While this practice eventually stopped, the gift of the precious stone as a symbol of intent remains today.
In medieval times, the groom would most often pay for the bride's hand in marriage. Precious stones were often included in this payment as a symbol of his intent to marry. While this practice eventually stopped, the gift of the precious stone as a symbol of intent remains today.
The Ring Finger
All wedding and engagement rings are worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. The vein in this finger was once believed (by ancient Romans) to go directly to the heart. Pretty obvious symbolism there.
All wedding and engagement rings are worn on the fourth finger of the left hand. The vein in this finger was once believed (by ancient Romans) to go directly to the heart. Pretty obvious symbolism there.
Medieval bridegrooms placed the ring on three of the bride's fingers, in turn, to symbolize, God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit (thought of as God the Mother or Goddess). The ring then remained on the third finger and has become the customary ring finger for English-speaking cultures. In some European countries, the ring is worn on the left hand before marriage, and is moved to the right hand during the ceremony. However, in most European countries the ring is still worn on the bride's left hand. A Greek Orthodox bride wears her ring on her left had before marriage, and moves it to her right hand after the ceremony.
Wedding Rings
In ancient times, when life was much harder and oftentimes shorter, husbands practiced a superstitious ritual to ensure their wives' spirits wouldn't leave too soon. The husband would wrap the bride's ankles and wrists with ropes of grass believing this would keep here spirit within her. Over the years, as religious beliefs evolved, the meaning (and material) of the bonds evolved as well. Today, brides thankfully don't bind their wrists and ankles, only their ring fingers, and grooms have adopted the practice as well. The grass gave way first to leather, then stone, then metal, and finally to gold and silver. Today, the rings symbolize the love and bond between husband and wife.
In ancient times, when life was much harder and oftentimes shorter, husbands practiced a superstitious ritual to ensure their wives' spirits wouldn't leave too soon. The husband would wrap the bride's ankles and wrists with ropes of grass believing this would keep here spirit within her. Over the years, as religious beliefs evolved, the meaning (and material) of the bonds evolved as well. Today, brides thankfully don't bind their wrists and ankles, only their ring fingers, and grooms have adopted the practice as well. The grass gave way first to leather, then stone, then metal, and finally to gold and silver. Today, the rings symbolize the love and bond between husband and wife.
The Bride's Garter
The garter from the bride comes from the ancient custom of witnesses at the marriage bed (to make sure the couple consummated the marriage); the witnesses would bring it forth as a sign of the witnessing. It became such a violation of privacy that eventually the bride would have the groom throw it to prove consummation. This is one of the oldest customs surviving wedding rituals.
The garter from the bride comes from the ancient custom of witnesses at the marriage bed (to make sure the couple consummated the marriage); the witnesses would bring it forth as a sign of the witnessing. It became such a violation of privacy that eventually the bride would have the groom throw it to prove consummation. This is one of the oldest customs surviving wedding rituals.
The Wedding Cake
You might find it interesting that; originally, the cake was not eaten by but thrown at the bride! It developed as one of the many fertility traditions surrounding a wedding. Wheat too, is traditionally a symbol of fruitfulness and was among the earliest grains (predating rice) to be ceremoniously showered on the bride and groom. In its earliest origins, the unmarried young women attending the wedding were expected to scramble for the grains to ensure their own betrothals, much as they do today for the bridal bouquet.
You might find it interesting that; originally, the cake was not eaten by but thrown at the bride! It developed as one of the many fertility traditions surrounding a wedding. Wheat too, is traditionally a symbol of fruitfulness and was among the earliest grains (predating rice) to be ceremoniously showered on the bride and groom. In its earliest origins, the unmarried young women attending the wedding were expected to scramble for the grains to ensure their own betrothals, much as they do today for the bridal bouquet.
Early Roman bakers, we are told, changed the "throw it" to the "eat it" tradition. These bakers were distinguished and respected in their trades. Somewhere around 100 BCE they began taking the wedding wheat and creating small, sweet cakes with it; the cakes were eaten while the service was in progress.
Following the tradition of eating the crumbs of the wheat, sweet meat cakes spread throughout Europe. In medieval England the tradition broadened to include the practice of washing down the cakes with special ale called "bryd ealu," translated as "bride's ale," words that eventually became the word "bridal."
In the Middle Ages when food tossing became rice tossing, the once decorative sweet meat cakes evolved into small biscuits or scones. Guests were encouraged to BYOB (bake/bring your own biscuit) with them to the ceremony. After the wedding, leftovers were distributed among the poor. It is those very simple biscuits and scones that became the forerunner of the elaborate multi-tiered wedding cake we know today. Legend has it that throughout the British Isles it became customary to pile the biscuits, scones, and baked goodies on top of one another in one huge heap. The taller the pile, the more the future prosperity of the young couple, who exchanged a kiss over the mound. It is told that in the 1660's during the reign of King Charles II, a French chef (whose name, unfortunately, is now lost) visited London and was appalled at the cake-piling ritual. It was his idea to transform the messy mound of bland biscuits into a beautiful work of art, an iced, multi-tiered wedding cake.
The Wine/Champagne Toast
Throughout the ages, wine has been used for celebration. Often and among many people, wine has signified life, vitality, love, and a life of plenty. Often and among many people, drinking wine from a common cup has been the intimate mark of deep sharing. "Entwined as the Vine. . . ." It is also in remembrance of Jesus turning the water into Wine as his first miracle at the Wedding of Cana in Galilee. It can be celebrated intimately during the Ceremony between the bride & groom or it can be at the Reception or both.
Throughout the ages, wine has been used for celebration. Often and among many people, wine has signified life, vitality, love, and a life of plenty. Often and among many people, drinking wine from a common cup has been the intimate mark of deep sharing. "Entwined as the Vine. . . ." It is also in remembrance of Jesus turning the water into Wine as his first miracle at the Wedding of Cana in Galilee. It can be celebrated intimately during the Ceremony between the bride & groom or it can be at the Reception or both.
The feeding of the wedding cake and the wine toast is a derivation of the Wedding Eucharist nuptial wherein a part of a ceremony is their giving each other a sup from the Cup of Love and to eat from the Bread of Life and Health (also see reference under Handfasting for wedding toast nuptial).
The Wedding Candle
The side tapers are the family or individual candles. These flames represent you and your ties to your family. The middle or unity candle represents your marriage and your new family. As the two flames merge into one and can no longer be separated, so are the bride and groom joined as one in marriage. The side tapers may be blown out to represent the start of your life as a couple or remain burning to signify the continued ties to your family or the retention of your individuality.
The unity candle is not necessarily a religious symbol and is not identified with a particular religion or denomination, although religious readings or prayers may be incorporated within unity candle ceremonies.
The side tapers are the family or individual candles. These flames represent you and your ties to your family. The middle or unity candle represents your marriage and your new family. As the two flames merge into one and can no longer be separated, so are the bride and groom joined as one in marriage. The side tapers may be blown out to represent the start of your life as a couple or remain burning to signify the continued ties to your family or the retention of your individuality.
The unity candle is not necessarily a religious symbol and is not identified with a particular religion or denomination, although religious readings or prayers may be incorporated within unity candle ceremonies.
The Blessing Stones
When a wedding is outside and near water, Blessing or Wishing stones are either gathered at the site or provided by the couple not only for themselves but for the wedding party and guests as well. After the ceremony all follow the bride and groom's recessional to the water, make a wish or blessing for them and cast their stone into the water. The ripples that are made represent the love and good wishes for not only the couple, but for all the world... as our ripples cross and re-cross one another's, so do our love and good wishes touch and retouch all around us and those with whom we come into contact.
When a wedding is outside and near water, Blessing or Wishing stones are either gathered at the site or provided by the couple not only for themselves but for the wedding party and guests as well. After the ceremony all follow the bride and groom's recessional to the water, make a wish or blessing for them and cast their stone into the water. The ripples that are made represent the love and good wishes for not only the couple, but for all the world... as our ripples cross and re-cross one another's, so do our love and good wishes touch and retouch all around us and those with whom we come into contact.
Bridal Showers
This event has its roots in Holland. When a bride's father did not approve of the husband-to-be, he would not provide her with the necessary dowry. The bride's friends would therefore "shower" her with gifts so she would have her dowry and thus marry the man of her choice. While dowries are long gone today, the practice of giving gifts to the bride-to-be remains.
Honeymoons
In ancient times, the Teutonic people began the practice of the honeymoon. Teutonic weddings were only held under the full moon. After the wedding, the bride and groom would drink honey wine for one full moon cycle (thirty days). This "moon" (i.e., "month") became known as the "honey moon." While the name survived, the purpose of the honeymoon changed. After the wedding, newlyweds would leave their family and friends to go and do what newlyweds are supposed to do. Today that purpose survives, only now a vacation is incorporated, usually to a romantic get-away locale.
Flower Ceremony
An ivy wreath is used as the base (introduced by the minister who will relate it to ivy's traditional meanings, including the marital connection). Various friends and family members will add sprigs of various plants/flowers with their traditional or symbolic meanings related to marriage... building a wreath of flowers in the center of a circle ceremony or on the altar before or beside the bride & groom.
This event has its roots in Holland. When a bride's father did not approve of the husband-to-be, he would not provide her with the necessary dowry. The bride's friends would therefore "shower" her with gifts so she would have her dowry and thus marry the man of her choice. While dowries are long gone today, the practice of giving gifts to the bride-to-be remains.
Honeymoons
In ancient times, the Teutonic people began the practice of the honeymoon. Teutonic weddings were only held under the full moon. After the wedding, the bride and groom would drink honey wine for one full moon cycle (thirty days). This "moon" (i.e., "month") became known as the "honey moon." While the name survived, the purpose of the honeymoon changed. After the wedding, newlyweds would leave their family and friends to go and do what newlyweds are supposed to do. Today that purpose survives, only now a vacation is incorporated, usually to a romantic get-away locale.
Flower Ceremony
An ivy wreath is used as the base (introduced by the minister who will relate it to ivy's traditional meanings, including the marital connection). Various friends and family members will add sprigs of various plants/flowers with their traditional or symbolic meanings related to marriage... building a wreath of flowers in the center of a circle ceremony or on the altar before or beside the bride & groom.
Crossed Broom and Sword
Another old tradition is for the couple to jump over a crossed broom and sword (held by the best man and the maid of honor). This symbolizes the cutting of ties to their parents and the ties being swept away.
Another old tradition is for the couple to jump over a crossed broom and sword (held by the best man and the maid of honor). This symbolizes the cutting of ties to their parents and the ties being swept away.
Celtic Weddings
Many of the Celtic wedding customs of our ancestors do not travel very well to our present times. If you break short bread over the head of the bride or groom as they leave the church what are the chances that the unmarried youths present will scramble to eat a bit of it off the ground to insure a good match for their own marriage? Cutting the cake over the seated bride's head at the reception has replaced this tradition. It was also customary to salute the bride and groom by firing guns in the air outside the church. Try that in the suburbs. If you did have your wedding at a venue where you could use firearms, what statement would you be making? Chances are at least some of your guests would think you are a gun nut rather than a traditionalist. Honking the horns of the cars in the procession from the church replaces the guns.
Russian Weddings
Russian weddings last two days. The official ceremony is just a part of the wedding. The Bride and groom arrive in separate cars and are lead into separate rooms where they are to wait until they are called. When they are called they are greeted by the receptionist in the entry of the registration hall with bread and salt.
Many of the Celtic wedding customs of our ancestors do not travel very well to our present times. If you break short bread over the head of the bride or groom as they leave the church what are the chances that the unmarried youths present will scramble to eat a bit of it off the ground to insure a good match for their own marriage? Cutting the cake over the seated bride's head at the reception has replaced this tradition. It was also customary to salute the bride and groom by firing guns in the air outside the church. Try that in the suburbs. If you did have your wedding at a venue where you could use firearms, what statement would you be making? Chances are at least some of your guests would think you are a gun nut rather than a traditionalist. Honking the horns of the cars in the procession from the church replaces the guns.
Russian Weddings
Russian weddings last two days. The official ceremony is just a part of the wedding. The Bride and groom arrive in separate cars and are lead into separate rooms where they are to wait until they are called. When they are called they are greeted by the receptionist in the entry of the registration hall with bread and salt.
Then they are lead into the hall where the actual rites are to be held, they stand on a special carpet and the official reads a short speech and then asks the bride and groom if they do. Then there is an exchange of rings, the couples sign in the registry, and then the witnesses sign and the couple are pronounced man and wife.
The bread symbolizes the hope for health, long life and prosperity. In one part of the ceremony (at the reception) the bread is bitten into by the bride and groom, the one who takes the largest bite wears the pants in the family!
After the wedding, it is customary for the wedding party to hop in their decorated cars and make a tour of their town's historically sites, leaving flowers at each. There is also "stealing the bride", when the groom takes his eyes off the bride, she might get stolen and the groom will have to pay ransom!
Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony
Tea is used because it is China's national drink and serving it is a sign of respect. Using tea is practical because not everyone can drink alcohol. Lotus seeds and two red dates are used in the tea for two reasons.
Tea is used because it is China's national drink and serving it is a sign of respect. Using tea is practical because not everyone can drink alcohol. Lotus seeds and two red dates are used in the tea for two reasons.
First, the words "lotus" and "year," "seed" and "child," and "date" and "early," are homophones, i.e. they have the same sound but different meanings in Chinese. Secondly, the ancient Chinese believed that putting these items in the tea would help the newlyweds produce children early in their marriage and every year, which would ensure many grandchildren for their parents. Also, the sweetness of the special tea is a wish for sweet relations between the bride and her new family.
On the wedding day, the bride serves tea (holding the teacup with both hands) to her parents at home before the groom arrives. She does this out of respect and to thank her parents for raising her. The tea at this time does not need to have the lotus seeds or dates, and the bride does not need the assistance of a "lucky woman." She pours and serves the tea by herself without the groom. Traditionally, after the wedding ceremony, the newlyweds serve tea (holding the teacups with both hands), inviting the groom's elders to drink tea by addressing them by formal title, e.g. first uncle or third aunt.
On the wedding day, the bride serves tea (holding the teacup with both hands) to her parents at home before the groom arrives. She does this out of respect and to thank her parents for raising her. The tea at this time does not need to have the lotus seeds or dates, and the bride does not need the assistance of a "lucky woman." She pours and serves the tea by herself without the groom. Traditionally, after the wedding ceremony, the newlyweds serve tea (holding the teacups with both hands), inviting the groom's elders to drink tea by addressing them by formal title, e.g. first uncle or third aunt.
The general rule is to have the woman on the left side and the man on the right side. The people being served will sit in chairs, while the bride and groom kneel. For example, when the newlyweds serve tea to the groom's parents, the bride would kneel in front of her father-in-law, while the groom would kneels in front of his mother. The newlyweds serve tea in order, starting with the groom's parents then proceeding from the oldest family members to the youngest, e.g. the groom's parents, then his paternal grandparents, then his maternal grandparents, then his oldest uncles and aunts, and all the way to his older brother.
In return, the newlyweds receive lucky red envelopes ("lai see," which means "lucky") stuffed with money or jewelry. The helpers, who are usually women blessed with a happy marriage or wealth and chosen by the fortuneteller or bride's mother, also get lucky red envelopes stuffed with money from those being served. These envelopes are placed on the platter, which holds the teacups.
Irish
The bridal party has many origins, one of which comes from the Anglo Saxon days. When the groom was about to capture his bride, he needed the help of his friends, the "bridesmen" or "brideknights". They would make sure the bride got to the church and to the groom's house afterwards. The bride also had women to help her, the "bridesmaids" or "brideswomen".
Traditions & Trends
Do you know where the ideas for favors at the wedding came from? I don't think anyone has pinpointed where they came from for sure, however, they have become common tradition at most weddings you see now days. Here are a few traditions that you might find fun and interesting:
The bridal party has many origins, one of which comes from the Anglo Saxon days. When the groom was about to capture his bride, he needed the help of his friends, the "bridesmen" or "brideknights". They would make sure the bride got to the church and to the groom's house afterwards. The bride also had women to help her, the "bridesmaids" or "brideswomen".
Traditions & Trends
Do you know where the ideas for favors at the wedding came from? I don't think anyone has pinpointed where they came from for sure, however, they have become common tradition at most weddings you see now days. Here are a few traditions that you might find fun and interesting:
- Jordan almonds, a favorite at most weddings, are centered on Middle Eastern weddings. This favor dictates that you give 5 pieces to each guest to represent the five wedding wishes: fertility, health, wealth, happiness and longevity. The almond is candy coated representing the bitter and the sweet of marriage.
- Decorated eggs are a symbol of fertility for the couple with this Malaysian tradition.
- Glass charms in the shape of an eye were given on the couples wedding day in this Greek tradition to protect them from bad luck.
- "Bridal Sugar" is a Dutch favor tradition. It is given in sets of 5 cubes to represent: prosperity, virility, happiness, loyalty and of course love!
- In the Victorian Era, "party crackers" were very popular.
Catching up on some Wedding Buzz Drama!
Okay, I have a rather small bridal party.
1 MOH, 2 bridesmaids
The MOH is a friend of ours and the 2 bridesmaids is my sister and his sister.
Okay... I feel like my bridal party doesn't know how important this wedding is to me and all the dates leading up to it. Such as the bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal, time we have to meet for pictures before the ceremony. My MOH isn't the problem, she is just going with what I tell her. I am not asking much from my bridal party besides buying their dresses, shoes and of course do WHATEVER they want with their hair. I'm not MAKING them do anything...besides of course their dresses which have already been bought.
My sister (BM #1). I just found out she is 2 months pregnant... I mean c'mon why did you have to get knocked up? Now she is going to stick out like a sore thumb, and she is not wearing no maternity dress she can fit into the one we bought or buy another one. How trashy my bridal party looks now, a little 20 year old who is on her 3rd child. UGH! She just is so irresponsible. When it comes to planning these parties she is like "well I'm pregnant" I just wanna be like thats your own fault, that is not an excuse to not come to these events.
FH's sister (BM #2). We put her in the wedding party because she bitched about nobody from his side being in the wedding, well first off this was his choice who he wanted in. So after her bitching about how he was closer with his ex (which he wasn't) and not taking this serious we put her in. She pretty much picked the BM dresses (luckily I liked them). But she picked the shoes, which at first I liked the idea but when I went home and thought about it I didn't, and she won't wear another pair even if I buy them. So I am just going to make them go barefoot for photos. She was all like "its about you guys not what the bridal party wears" well excuse me, its my dream to have everything matching. I tried talking to my FH, but he just doesn't understand, lol! Anyway...now when it comes to the parties she finds it more important to make t-shirts and beads with her relay for life team than agree on a date for the bachelorette party. I mean seriously, its one friken day! Another thing she complained about is the time for photos...she had to say "oh that makes for a long day" well sorry, but thats how the photographer does things.
I just feel like these girls don't understand. His sister is married, so I don't get why she has to act like this... she knows what we are supossed to do. From what her mom and my FH told me she made her bridal party do what she wanted. I'm not doing this, to be honest I don't even need their help. I just want someone up there with me, you know!? But I am planning my bridal shower and bachelorette party, so it goes how I have dreamed of. The girls said they would run the games if I tell them what I want. I don't know what to do, I'm about to flip out. If I talk to my mom all she will say is "calm down" to be honest there is no time to calm down, the wedding is getting closer and things need to be taken care of. I'm about to just say screw these parties and if people ask I'm gonna be like well people aren't taking things seriously so I decided to just ruin the wedding myself. Sorry for this complaining, and long post... but I just had this built up and needed to explode. I just don't know what to do?
1 MOH, 2 bridesmaids
The MOH is a friend of ours and the 2 bridesmaids is my sister and his sister.
Okay... I feel like my bridal party doesn't know how important this wedding is to me and all the dates leading up to it. Such as the bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal, time we have to meet for pictures before the ceremony. My MOH isn't the problem, she is just going with what I tell her. I am not asking much from my bridal party besides buying their dresses, shoes and of course do WHATEVER they want with their hair. I'm not MAKING them do anything...besides of course their dresses which have already been bought.
My sister (BM #1). I just found out she is 2 months pregnant... I mean c'mon why did you have to get knocked up? Now she is going to stick out like a sore thumb, and she is not wearing no maternity dress she can fit into the one we bought or buy another one. How trashy my bridal party looks now, a little 20 year old who is on her 3rd child. UGH! She just is so irresponsible. When it comes to planning these parties she is like "well I'm pregnant" I just wanna be like thats your own fault, that is not an excuse to not come to these events.
FH's sister (BM #2). We put her in the wedding party because she bitched about nobody from his side being in the wedding, well first off this was his choice who he wanted in. So after her bitching about how he was closer with his ex (which he wasn't) and not taking this serious we put her in. She pretty much picked the BM dresses (luckily I liked them). But she picked the shoes, which at first I liked the idea but when I went home and thought about it I didn't, and she won't wear another pair even if I buy them. So I am just going to make them go barefoot for photos. She was all like "its about you guys not what the bridal party wears" well excuse me, its my dream to have everything matching. I tried talking to my FH, but he just doesn't understand, lol! Anyway...now when it comes to the parties she finds it more important to make t-shirts and beads with her relay for life team than agree on a date for the bachelorette party. I mean seriously, its one friken day! Another thing she complained about is the time for photos...she had to say "oh that makes for a long day" well sorry, but thats how the photographer does things.
I just feel like these girls don't understand. His sister is married, so I don't get why she has to act like this... she knows what we are supossed to do. From what her mom and my FH told me she made her bridal party do what she wanted. I'm not doing this, to be honest I don't even need their help. I just want someone up there with me, you know!? But I am planning my bridal shower and bachelorette party, so it goes how I have dreamed of. The girls said they would run the games if I tell them what I want. I don't know what to do, I'm about to flip out. If I talk to my mom all she will say is "calm down" to be honest there is no time to calm down, the wedding is getting closer and things need to be taken care of. I'm about to just say screw these parties and if people ask I'm gonna be like well people aren't taking things seriously so I decided to just ruin the wedding myself. Sorry for this complaining, and long post... but I just had this built up and needed to explode. I just don't know what to do?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Wedding Traditions
I was thinking the other day about wedding traditions, and it made me wonder what ones we are keeping and which ones we are doing away with. So I decided to make a list of the things that we will do and a list of the things that we don't want.
Wedding Traditions That We Are Keeping:
Not seeing each other before the wedding
This one is super important to me. I really want the photographer to capture the moment Steve sees me walking down the aisle in my dress. It gives me goose bumps thinking about it!
Father walking me down the aisle
I could not think of getting married with out my Dad walking me down the aisle.
Traditional Dances
We will do the first dance, father/daughter dance, and mother/son dance.
Bouquet Toss
I have single ladies who will be bummed if I don't throw it, so I must!
Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, With a Sixpence in Your Shoes
Old: My engagement ring
New: Wedding band, dress, shoes, veil, hair piece, etc.
Borrowed: Diamonds in my wedding band borrowed from a great-grandmother's eternity band, lace from my mother's dress on the ring bearer's pillow
Blue: Diana is getting me my something blue! It will be my garter!
Sixpence: The sixpence I will have in my shoes is from the same great-grandmother, Margaret Esther Ayers, who's engagement ring I have. It seems like it is coming full circle as I will wear her sixpence and her engagement ring.
Cheesy Wedding Music
I am all about dancing and having fun, and I do every dance at weddings I attend, so it is a must to play YMCA, the Hustle, The Electric Slide, Macarena, etc.!
Traditions We Are Not Keeping
We are not riding in limos
This is an added cost that is beyond unnecessary to us, especially since the hotel, ceremony site, and reception site are about a 1/2 mile from each other.
Garter Toss
I get easily embarrassed, so I am not really comfortable with Steve going up under my dress to get the garter from my thigh, to then throw to the single men? No thanks! Plus the embarrassment of having the guy who caught the garter put it on the leg of the woman who caught the bouquet... I will pass!
Bridal Party Dance
I will not be having the bridal party dance with each other after our first dance. That just seems awkward to me.
These are the traditions I have thought us thus far. I may come up with more later!
Wedding Traditions That We Are Keeping:
Not seeing each other before the wedding
This one is super important to me. I really want the photographer to capture the moment Steve sees me walking down the aisle in my dress. It gives me goose bumps thinking about it!
Father walking me down the aisle
I could not think of getting married with out my Dad walking me down the aisle.
Traditional Dances
We will do the first dance, father/daughter dance, and mother/son dance.
Bouquet Toss
I have single ladies who will be bummed if I don't throw it, so I must!
Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, With a Sixpence in Your Shoes
Old: My engagement ring
New: Wedding band, dress, shoes, veil, hair piece, etc.
Borrowed: Diamonds in my wedding band borrowed from a great-grandmother's eternity band, lace from my mother's dress on the ring bearer's pillow
Blue: Diana is getting me my something blue! It will be my garter!
Sixpence: The sixpence I will have in my shoes is from the same great-grandmother, Margaret Esther Ayers, who's engagement ring I have. It seems like it is coming full circle as I will wear her sixpence and her engagement ring.
Cheesy Wedding Music
I am all about dancing and having fun, and I do every dance at weddings I attend, so it is a must to play YMCA, the Hustle, The Electric Slide, Macarena, etc.!
Traditions We Are Not Keeping
We are not riding in limos
This is an added cost that is beyond unnecessary to us, especially since the hotel, ceremony site, and reception site are about a 1/2 mile from each other.
Garter Toss
I get easily embarrassed, so I am not really comfortable with Steve going up under my dress to get the garter from my thigh, to then throw to the single men? No thanks! Plus the embarrassment of having the guy who caught the garter put it on the leg of the woman who caught the bouquet... I will pass!
Bridal Party Dance
I will not be having the bridal party dance with each other after our first dance. That just seems awkward to me.
These are the traditions I have thought us thus far. I may come up with more later!
Begin my new job on Monday!
I am soooooo excited! I begin my new job on Monday at Commerce Insurance in Webster. I have been patiently waiting 3 weeks to begin and it is only 2 days away! I have to figure out what to wear now!
I am excited because I can now help save for the wedding and save for a house! This is going to make our lives so much easier in the long run because finances are one of those things that can crawl under your skin and ruin everything if you give it too much power. I am thankful that someone was looking out for me and knew that I needed a job. I am blessed to have the people I have in my life, and even more blessed now, that in this uncertain economy, I have found a full-time job with benefits! Now let's hope I love it as much as I love the idea of it!
I am excited because I can now help save for the wedding and save for a house! This is going to make our lives so much easier in the long run because finances are one of those things that can crawl under your skin and ruin everything if you give it too much power. I am thankful that someone was looking out for me and knew that I needed a job. I am blessed to have the people I have in my life, and even more blessed now, that in this uncertain economy, I have found a full-time job with benefits! Now let's hope I love it as much as I love the idea of it!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Dresses in already!
We all just went to David's Bridal last Tuesday to order Cyndi's dress and Gaby's dress, and they are in already! I am super excited that they came so quick! I will be picking up my sister in Brooklyn, NY tomorrow morning, and hopefully headed out to DB to pick up the dresses tomorrow afternoon. That way she can try on the dress, figure her size, and order it! Very exciting!!
My engraved toasting flutes arrived today and they are stunning! I cannot wait for September 24th so I can use them! I will be having a full glass all-day; even before the wedding takes place!
I sent out STD's to my cousin Sofia-Marie and her mom Kate in England. Sofie is my Uncle Mark's (Dad's brother) daughter. I have not seen her since she was three years old and she will be 19 in March! It has been far too long. She and her mom showed interest in coming to the wedding, so I do hope they come. It would be fantastic to see them again.
My engraved toasting flutes arrived today and they are stunning! I cannot wait for September 24th so I can use them! I will be having a full glass all-day; even before the wedding takes place!
I sent out STD's to my cousin Sofia-Marie and her mom Kate in England. Sofie is my Uncle Mark's (Dad's brother) daughter. I have not seen her since she was three years old and she will be 19 in March! It has been far too long. She and her mom showed interest in coming to the wedding, so I do hope they come. It would be fantastic to see them again.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Cyndi's Dress
So excited that Cyndi picked out and bought her dress last night. She tried on the original dress that we liked and then David's Bridal had a new dress that was very similar come in 2 weeks ago. So she tried that one on and she loved it. Gaby and I both think she is stunning in the dress, but you be the judge!
The first 2 dress are in the color that she will be wearing, Sangria. The teal one is the correct size, the first one was a bit large for her. So the last picture is more about the fit of the dress rather than the color, but the first 2 are the exact color that she will be in. I think she is absolutely stunning in the dress! I cannot wait for the wedding. Everyone is going to be gorgeous... especially me!
The first 2 dress are in the color that she will be wearing, Sangria. The teal one is the correct size, the first one was a bit large for her. So the last picture is more about the fit of the dress rather than the color, but the first 2 are the exact color that she will be in. I think she is absolutely stunning in the dress! I cannot wait for the wedding. Everyone is going to be gorgeous... especially me!
DIY Card Box
Here is a great story about a DIY Card Box Project I found online. I am thinking about doing it for my wedding. Not sure if I am handy enough for this.
I had to make a lot of modifications to my plan as I went along, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. Hopefully those of you hoping to make one will at least be able to take away some idea of how to construct it based on these photos/instructions. So here goes...
SUPPLIES
- 4 photo frames (8"x 10" or 11"x 13", whatever you prefer--mine is 8x10 because I didn't want it to be huge--it is plenty big as it is)
- Drill
- Drill
- Screw driver
- L brackets (I used four packages of four brackets)
- Screws (use the size recommended on the L brackets in terms of width. Mine were #8 screws, I believe, but only 1/2" long because didn't want to have any danger of them going through the front of the frames)
- Lazy susan (I bought mine for $5 at Walmart)
- Foam board (I bought a large one at Michael's)
- Batting material (used for "cushion" on the top)
- Pretty fabric (I bought a yard, which was way more than I needed)
- Exacto knife
- Scissors
- Stapler
- Duct tape
INSTRUCTIONS
1) I started by putting the frames together. I measured down on the frame where I wanted to drill the pilot holes for the screws so that the L brackets would be even to connect the frames together. Then I marked the spot with a pencil.
2) Drill the pilot holes into the frames. My box of screws recommended the size for the drill bit, so I went with that. To ensure I wasn't going to drill straight through the frame, I measured like 1/3" on my drill bit and placed a piece of tape there. I only drilled up to the tape line.
3) Once all of the pilot holes are in place, you can start screwing your brackets onto the frames. This is where I made my first mistake--I put the frames together empty (since I didn't have my engagement pictures back yet). Due to the size of my L brackets, there was a bit of L bracket overlapping the back of my frames, which made it impossible for me to squeeze the glass and backing back into the frame. I had to take my frames apart again (which wasn't a big deal, but still) to actually put the photos in. So I highly recommend cleaning the inside of the glass, inserting your photos, and completing all that before screwing them together.
At this point, with yours, it should look pretty "complete"--the photos and glass will be in, and your box will be solid.
At this point, with yours, it should look pretty "complete"--the photos and glass will be in, and your box will be solid.4) Next, start on the top. I began by measuring the space in the top of my frames, and measured the foam board to correspond with that. I ended up having to shave a little extra off of the foam board in order to make a little room for the fabric I upholstered it with.
5) Remember to cut a hole in the middle of the foam board for your cards. I made mine pretty big, but not big enough for hands to fit inside.
6) Place the piece of foam board that you just cut down on the table and lay your batting material over it. Cut around the edges, giving yourself enough extra material all the way around to be able to fold it under the bottom of the box top. 
7) Start folding and stapling! Stretch the fabric around the box top and staple it to the back side. You're basically upholstering the box top. You also have to cut a slit in the middle of the material for the slit in the middle of the foam board. Just pull the edges of the fabric through and staple to the inside of the opening. 
This is what it looks like when it's done.
7) Repeat steps 6-7, but with your nice fabric. I used a sparkly white fabric I found at Joann's.
8) Cut out a piece of foam board (no need to cover it in fabric) that will fit inside your frames for the bottom of the box.
9) Now, you can attach the top a few different ways. Some people velcro the top and bottom directly to the top of the frames. I chose to attach additional L brackets to the bottom and top sides of my frames to hold the bottom and top in place. You can see them in the photos below.
View of the inside of the box from the top. The bottom is already in place, but you can see the additional L brackets I put in place to hold the top of the box in place (so it won't fall down insdie of the box).
This is a photo of the box turned upside down. Here, you can see the L brackets that I attached to keep the bottom in place.10) Secure the foam board for the bottom to the bottom of the box. I used duct tape and taped over the L brackets. It was important to me to not completely ruin the frames (we want to be able to take the box apart and use the frames after the wedding), so Ididn't want to tape anything directly to the box.
11) Attach your lazy susan to the bottom of the box (optional--if you don't want your box to spin, you don't need it). This is another area where I had to improvise. My lazy susan had a dip in it so that the middle of the lazy susan wasn't touching my box (which made it difficult to attach). I cut a few square pieces of foam core and taped them to the lazy susan to build up the middle. I then rolled little pieces of duct tape and stuck them to the foam board and taped it to the bottom of my box. It's pretty sturdy--I used a lot of duct tape to make sure of that!
This is the taped-up lazy susan right before I turned it over and attached it to the bottom of the box. Thank you to whoever invented duct tape!
12) Turn your box back over, place the top on, and you're finished!
The finished product.
This is a view of the finished top of the box.
Another angle of the finished box.
I hope this helps someone! It seems more complicated than it actually is. If you or your fiance are handy with a drill and a ruler, it's really not a problem at all. Good luck!
The worst conceivable letter to receive with your wedding dress.
I hope I never receive something like this!!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Bridal Shower
So my Maid of Honor (MOH), Diana, told me yesterday that she ordered the invitations for my Bridal Shower, and I am super excited! Seeing as how we received a wedding invite in the mail yesterday, I thought about other invitations. In this invitation, the bride included registry information, which to the best of my knowledge, is considered a faux-pas in the world of wedding etiquette. So I was sure to contact my MOH and let her know to somehow put the information on the bridal shower invitations as that is proper etiquette for registry information. I am allowed to refer to my wedding website for my guests for additional information, which includes the registry information; however, it is considered rude to put it in with my invitations, as is looks like I am just fishing for gifts. Since Diana can put it in with her invites and it is perfectly acceptable, that is the route we will take!
What else??? So it looks like the wedding will either be 4 or 4:30, we haven't decided. Can't lie that we were both incredibly disappointed when we received the news that we could not move the start time back; especially since the first person we emailed said that we could... I guess we will just have to suck it up and deal with it... but that does not make it suck any less!!
Today there is a 6 hour sale on personalizationmall.com (my favorite personalization store by far!). It goes from 9am-3pm and if you enter the code sale25 in the checkout you can save 25% off of your entire order. Well yours truly bought personalized toasting flutes for the wedding. I have been debating back and forth about these for no less than 2 months, and when the sale iron is hot, STRIKE!
The website shows you what the items will look like personalized, so this is the projected personalization of the flutes, which I am super excited about!
I am also excited because my friend, Gaby, decided to join me for a couple days! Tonight, we are going to David's Bridal in West Springfield for her to purchase her gown for the wedding, which I am excited about! Cyndi, my future mother-in-law (FMIL) will be joining us and most likely trying on dresses for Gaby to see. I am certainly bringing my camera tonight to get some photos so that I can collect votes! I already know which one is going to win but it is only nice to give the dresses a fair chance!
That is it for now. Hope everyone is having a happy and healthy new year thus far!
What else??? So it looks like the wedding will either be 4 or 4:30, we haven't decided. Can't lie that we were both incredibly disappointed when we received the news that we could not move the start time back; especially since the first person we emailed said that we could... I guess we will just have to suck it up and deal with it... but that does not make it suck any less!!
Today there is a 6 hour sale on personalizationmall.com (my favorite personalization store by far!). It goes from 9am-3pm and if you enter the code sale25 in the checkout you can save 25% off of your entire order. Well yours truly bought personalized toasting flutes for the wedding. I have been debating back and forth about these for no less than 2 months, and when the sale iron is hot, STRIKE!
The website shows you what the items will look like personalized, so this is the projected personalization of the flutes, which I am super excited about!
I am also excited because my friend, Gaby, decided to join me for a couple days! Tonight, we are going to David's Bridal in West Springfield for her to purchase her gown for the wedding, which I am excited about! Cyndi, my future mother-in-law (FMIL) will be joining us and most likely trying on dresses for Gaby to see. I am certainly bringing my camera tonight to get some photos so that I can collect votes! I already know which one is going to win but it is only nice to give the dresses a fair chance!
That is it for now. Hope everyone is having a happy and healthy new year thus far!
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